Tip 16: Allow Infants Time to Self-Soothe with Support Nearby
Why This Matters
Learning to self-soothe is an important developmental process, but it does not happen in isolation. Infants develop this ability through repeated experiences of being soothed by a caregiver first.
Allowing space for self-soothing, while remaining nearby, helps build both independence and security.
The Infant Mental Health Lens
Self-regulation begins as co-regulation. The caregiver’s presence, responsiveness, and calm energy teach the infant how to manage their own emotions over time.
When infants are given brief opportunities to settle themselves, with the reassurance that support is close, they begin to internalize these regulatory skills.
What This Looks Like in Real Life
This may look like pausing briefly before intervening, allowing the infant a moment to settle while staying attentive. It may also involve offering gentle reassurance without immediately picking up the infant, depending on the situation and the infant’s needs.
The key is balance, being available without withdrawing support.
Common Myths That Get in the Way
There can be confusion between supporting self-soothing and leaving an infant to manage distress alone. Infants are not capable of fully self-soothing without a foundation of consistent caregiving.
Support and presence remain essential.
What Caregivers and Professionals Can Do
Caregivers can tune into their infant’s cues and respond in a way that supports both comfort and gradual independence.
Professionals can guide caregivers in understanding the difference between healthy pauses and emotional withdrawal.
Trauma-Informed and Equity Considerations
For infants with trauma histories or disruptions in attachment, consistent caregiver presence is especially important. Building trust may take time, and self-soothing skills will develop within that relationship.
Closing Reflection
Independence grows from connection.
When caregivers remain close and responsive, infants learn that they can both seek comfort and find it within themselves.
